inconspicous disaster

2007-04-01T02:04:00.000-07:00

due to unforseen circumstances
i've moved to
http://socksysarah.livejournal.com

2007-02-04T07:51:00.000-08:00

You Are a Banana Coconut Frappuccino

A cheeky monkey with exotic tastes, you get pretty playful when you're hopped up on coffee.

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

You are 60% Leo

Your Lucky Underwear is Yellow

You're an extremely happy, laid back, fun soul. And your lucky yellow underwear can help you get even more out of life.In life, you rather play than work. You're apt to quit any task that doesn't nourish your creativity and inner child.
Sometimes your drive for freedom hinders your quality of life. You find it impossible to do anything unpleasant.If you want to have responsibilities and still have fun, put on your yellow underpants. They'll help you make a party out of the most mundane tasks.

What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear?

2007-02-04T06:47:00.000-08:00

my best friend is like a tub of triple chocolate chip ice cream with peanut butter sauce and oreos just without the fat
i love her lots
and i wouldnt have picked anyone else to stay with in Perth

we probably wont get along all the time
but we'll get through it
that i know.

i've to be at the airport on friday night!
its so fast.
only 5 days left.
there are so many things about Singapore I'm going to miss
like Mas Ayu, Beer Garden and Scruffy's
and Mambo Jambo at Zouk
and the shopping
and the fact that stores stay open till 9 at night
and good Chicken Rice and laksa
and that I can come home at 11 at night and its still pretty safe
and Starbucks
and of course OLPS

and so many people as well.
like all the RG members, annoying as they may be :)hehe
and Renee and Stace
and Andre, Ophelia & Zach
and Averyl
and my parents (though they will be with me for quite a while in Perth, I'm going to miss them like crazy when they leave.)

my list will probably get longer once i reach Perth. but for now this is it.

2007-01-31T08:46:00.000-08:00

i cant believe there are only 8 days left.
i'm really excited but at the same time consumed with an extreme fear that everything is going to go horribly WRONG!
i'm just being paranoid. but still...

what if i'm wrong?
what if i'm not supposed to be doing this?
what if something happens to my family when i'm there?
what if i dont fit in?

ok i'm being really paranoid.
its not going to be that bad.
i just have to keep telling myself that.
and realise that with God's help.
I'll be fine.

2007-01-08T23:22:00.000-08:00

31 days till i leave for perth.

2006-11-29T06:14:00.000-08:00

sometimes things just dont work out the way you want them to
its best to leave it all in God's hands.
its hard to do that
cause well
we all want control
but its when we try to control things
that they screw up
so really, just better to leave all up to God.

2006-10-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

so maybe its just me.
i'm weird
or i've evolved to become the most boring person on the face of this planet.
i dont know.

but seriously it feels like i am the most uninteresting person ever
i have NO social life
and of late
when i do go out, i just want to go home
cause i'm tired

what the hell is wrong with me.
sigh.
alright.
i should probably go dig a hole and bury myself in it.

by the way
this haze is such a pain
i can barely breathe
my eyes are watering
and i've got a runny nose.

2006-10-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

THINGS TO DO:

Pick pieces for November exam.
Book more driving lessons!
Complete application form for UNI before 19th October 2006.
Pack for Perth trip!

2006-10-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

Seffy: I'll be in Perth in 16 days! Woohoo!!

Kay: Lets meet up soon! Havent seen you in like donkeys years! And i miss you too.

Wesley: I've linked you already Mr itchyfngershadtochangemyblogadd. And life is alright. Been
quite good actually.

man i'm tired. the stupid haze has left me breathless and tired and has contributed to this massive headache that i'm having at this moment. and to top it all off i cant go jogging so i've put on massive amounts of kilos i was on my way to losing. ok i'm exaggerating. too bad.

by the way, for all those who prayed for me and my exam... thank you! i've passed. not nearly as well as i'd like but after taking into consideration various factors like i skipped an entire grade and i was 3 marks away from a merit, its not all that bad. but those are just mere excuses. i didnt perform nearly as well as i could and i know that and i've no one to blame but myself.

well, i'm going to be attempting another paper in november. but this time its going to be a group acting paper which i reckon will be quite fun actually. call it suicide or what you will but i'm going ahead with it!

2006-09-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

being away from your closest friends makes you realise why they are so important.
I miss Steph.

Its a good thing then that my dad and I are going to Perth in October! :D
Well, its supposed to be a trip to go meet the professors and look for accomodation and everything but I get to see SEFFY!!! Yay!!!
SO I'm really excited about that and its spring so I can go shopping too. hehe.

But before i actually get to go to Perth, there are a few things that need dealing with.
Like my speech and drama exam. Its next Wednesday at 9.31am so PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!

I really want a Distinction and I hope the kind examiner will give me my distinction. Oh dear God please make the examiner a nice man. But this is perhaps the one and only thing that I love and am somewhat good at, so *fingers crossed* I really hope I get through.

2006-09-04T09:55:00.000-07:00

i've got blisters the size of timbuktu on my feet
not that i know what timbuktu looks like but anyways stupid slippers gave me blisters

i got a card from SEFFY!!! yay! TANGS SEFFY! i honestly thought that you'd designed the card then i realised there was this address on the back and then hmmm. it dawned on me. so erm I"M NOT FOOLED THAT EASILY!!!!! ok maybe i am but oh well, that only adds to whatever charm i've got :D

anyways, met up with some old friends from CJC today. somtimes its comforting to know how some people just dont change.

on a different note, it is very frustrating when the one person who should be defending what we are doing is bad-mouthing us. sigh. life can be really infuriating sometimes. i mean i can try and be understanding and everything but at the same time, do you really need to tell every single person about it? how about talking to us about it first before complaing to everybody.

2006-08-26T03:26:00.000-07:00

i'm a firm believer in God and what he has for us
but sometimes, i refuse to accept what he has so freely given me
his love, his mercy and his forgiveness
are things that i take for granted everyday

the past week has beem absolutely shitty
i've been harbouring so much of anger and hatred
its unbelievable
i hate the person that i become when i get that angry
its ugly, and i mean ugly
but point is, its not good.
you start harbouring all this hatred in your heart
which eventually will manifest itself into some sort of physical ailment
i know for me, usually i start getting colds and it develops into a flu with the works, body aches, a temperature, ear ache, really sore throat and basically everything la
so the sooner we let go of the hatred we harbour in our hearts
the easier it is to get better,
both physically and emotionally.

anyways, back to God.
the only way that i've been able to let go of this anger
is through God.
and more often than not i take for granted his presence in my life
when it is so obvious
his giving me the grace to be able to let go
cause it is not doing me any good
and it obviously isnt good for the people around me
its like the movie Pay it Forward but with negative emotions instead of a good deed.
so yup

the point that i'm trying to make is
Never take for granted God's presence in your life
He does things that are truly amazing
if we just let him take over.

2006-08-24T07:45:00.001-07:00

being the absolute genius that i am, i painted my toenails fifteen minutes ago, am feeling terribly sleepy but cant go to bed yet cause they're still wet. this is why they invented fast-drying nail polish.

well since i cant sleep yet, i'll blog somemore.
two posts in one day, wow, world record for me. the most irregular blogger in the world. kinda like my periods.

erm so first of all, tomorrow is seffy's birthday. she'll be 22. so incase you read this before i call you, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEFFY!!!!! lovelovelove!!!

my throat is sore. all the smoke in the air is affecting my throat. i hope it goes away before saturday.

ok i dont know what to blog about. my day was uneventful. i realise i'm a crap actress. there are some people in the world who are absolutely annoying and i just wish they'd realise how annoying they were, do the world a favour and never leave their homes. i mean seriously, you'd think they know how much of good they werent doing. instilling feelings of utmost hatred and angst is not called a good deed. pointing out every single flaw when you have like fucking 500 more is not a good deed. so please just wake up and realise that you arent God, and that you cannot go around acting like you're the best thing thats happened since chocolate. i am not a big enough person to love unconditionally, well not now at least. i've got my own flaws but at least i admit that i've got them.

writing all that didnt make me feel any better
maybe i should take up some violent sport to vent all my anger
but i'm not violent and i dont like sports.
oh well. in that case, i figure in just a few months i'm going to either implode or explode and there wont be anymore of sarah left. so savour the moments people!

2006-08-24T07:45:00.000-07:00

being the absolute genius that i am, i painted my toenails fifteen minutes ago, am feeling terribly sleepy but cant go to bed yet cause they're still wet. this is why they invented fast-drying nail polish.

well since i cant sleep yet, i'll blog somemore.
two posts in one day, wow, world record for me. the most irregular blogger in the world. kinda like my periods.

erm so first of all, tomorrow is seffy's birthday. she'll be 22. so incase you read this before i call you, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEFFY!!!!! lovelovelove!!!

my throat is sore. all the smoke in the air is affecting my throat. i hope it goes away before saturday. tomorrow i have to go to work. i'm just so excited. oh joy.

ok i dont know what to blog about. my day was uneventful. i realise i'm a crap actress. there are some people in the world who are absolutely annoying and i just wish they'd realise how annoying they were, do the world a favour and never leave their homes. i mean seriously, you'd think they know how much of good they werent doing. instilling feelings of utmost hatred and angst is not called a good deed. pointing out every single flaw when you have like fucking 500 more is not a good deed. so please just wake up and realise that you arent God, and that you cannot go around acting like you're the best thing thats happened since chocolate. i am not a big enough person to love unconditionally, well not now at least. i've got my own flaws but at least i admit that i've got them.

writing all that didnt make me feel any better
maybe i should take up some violent sport to vent all my anger
but i'm not violent and i dont like sports.
oh well. in that case, i figure in just a few months i'm going to either implode or explode and there wont be anymore of sarah left. so savour the moments people!

2006-08-24T07:22:00.000-07:00

my birthday has come and gone. surprisingly its one of the better ones i've had. i guess cause i didnt have any expectations of it. you know, turning 18 is such a big deal and when it doesnt turn out the way you want it, its such a disappointment. but 19, 19 doesnt have any expectations on it at all. it just quietly sneeks up on you and you find, well at least i find, that its been a really enjoyable birthday. maybe i'm just growing old-er but i'm not a fan of huge birthday parties anymore. i'd much rather have a cosy evening with the people i love.

there are so many things that have happened lately. its unbelievable. maybe its just bad time management but it seems like i havent any time to complete anything. though its probably cause i'm spending time on the computer but honestly i havent been using the computer much either, now that msn messenger is being all temperamental with me. havent got anybody to chat with. sigh.

2006-08-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When the head of state didn’t play guitar,
Not everybody drove a car,
When music really mattered and radio was king,
When accountants didn’t have control
And the media couldn’t buy your soul
And computers were still scary and we didn’t know everything

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When pop stars still remained a myth
And ignorance could still be bliss
And when God Save the Queen she turned a whiter shade of pale
When my mom and dad were in their teens and anarchy was still a dream
and the only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When record shops was still top
and vinyl was all that they stocked
and the super info highway was still drifting out in space
kids were wearing hand me downs,
and playing games meant kick arounds
and footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

-Sandi Thom

in a NUT'S-shell

2006-07-14T10:08:00.000-07:00

well ahoy there mateyS!

as pirates of the caribbean: dead mans chest has already opened
i've decided that i'm a born again pirate.
fully converted after the first pirates of the caribbean
and forever and ever shall be.
though i'm the pirate that bathes and smells good and doesnt curse and swear(as much)
or go around killing and pillaging and hunting for treasure.
fine i dont make a good pirate ok?!
dont roll your eyes at me
i can tell ok!
i have ESP and i know how to use it!

today, for some reason, i am feeling extremely over the top, super hyperactive, cannot sit down for five seconds without annoying anyone,and really full of energy. Just ask steph and also for today i am nobody apparently. HAHA! I think maybe the uncle spiked my drink or maybe i had too much sugar. major sugar rush which has lasted the past 4 hours. i dont think i'm going to be able to go to sleep soon... oh... wait... there it goes... wait for it... wait for it... and ladies and gentlemen, there we have it... my first yawn of the night.
but not like thats extremly vital information that would affect the fate of the nation. but oh well. if you actually got that far you must either a)love me very much or b) be an insomniac or c)............. i dont actually have a c) i just felt like putting it in.

well congratulations on reading this far.
you have won.
one brownie point.
continue reading and you might get another.

i think i'm going to be annoying a lot of people over the next few day.s
But i'm so glad its the weekend.
God made weekends for a reason. woohoo!!!

2006-07-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

It always gets better in the end.
If its not better, its not the end.
-Maxine Grey form Judging Amy

I dont actually watch Judging Amy alot but turns out the day I do its an episode where Amys mum says that.
I guess shes right.
I guess the end is not really close for me.
Instead of getting better,
things actually are getting worse.
And if its possible, i'll probably hit rock bottom
before the week is over.

But oh well, the glass is always half full.
When you hit rock bottom, the only place you can go is up.
So that'll have to be my next stop then.

2006-06-27T09:31:00.000-07:00

seriously. what the hell.
go be preoccupied with your boyfriend and your friends cause apparently thats all that matters.

william moseley

2006-06-23T10:41:00.000-07:00

william moseley is so gorgeous.
you think he'd marry me if i proposed?
well, even if he doesnt.
there are enough pictures to last me a life time.

mystical magical moments

2006-06-19T06:48:00.000-07:00

today was spent with steph-farnie
it only goes to show
that
some things dont change :)

hainanese chicken rice+ cool notebooks+ extremely packed shop+ white sunnies+ lord of the rings collector coins+ body shop scrub+wisma atria+ weirdo with shiny sunnies+starbucks+ caramel macchiato+ mocha+ cute starbucks barista+ topshop+ more sunnies+ mrt+home= a fantastic afternoon.

(and i wouldnt trade it for the world or a million gazillion dollars or a date with jake gyllenhall well maybe many dates with mr gyllenhall. haha. kidding. wouldnt trade today for anything or anyone in the world)

waiting for the world to fall

2006-06-14T01:35:00.000-07:00

Waiting for the World to Fall
by Jars of Clay

I'm afraid it's been too long to try to find the reasons why
I let my world close in around a smaller patch of fading sky
But now I've grown beyond the walls to where I've never beenAnd it's still winter in my wonderland

I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting to let my world come undone

I close my eyes and try to see the world unbroken underneath
The farther off and already it just might make the life I lead
A little more than make-believe when all my skies are painted blue
And all the clouds don't ever change the shape of who I am to You

I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting to let my world come undone

When I catch the light of falling stars my view is changing me
My view is changing me
My view is changing

I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting, I'm waiting

I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting, I'm waiting

I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting

2006-06-12T09:59:00.000-07:00

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh.You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum.
Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

You Belong in 1965

If you scored...
1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!
1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too.
1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all!
1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.
1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

What Year Do You Belong In?

You Are an Emo Rocker!

Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing.That doesn't mean you don't rock out...You just rock out with meaning.For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding.

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

You Are a Black and White Cookie

You're often conflicted in life, and you feel pulled in two opposite directions.When you're good, you're sweet as sugar. And when you're bad, you're wicked!

What Kind of Cookie Are You?

You Are 70% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

Your Birth Month is August

Ambitious and strong, you find it easy to be successful.You are brave and stubborn. No one's going to set your limits!
Your soul reflects: Strength, character, and devotion
Your gemstone: Peridot
Your flower: Poppy
Your colors: Orange, red, and light green

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

Your Love Element Is Earth

In love, you have consistency and integrity.For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered.
You attract others with your zest for life and experiences.Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time.
Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life.You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk.
You connect best with: Fire
Avoid: Wood
You and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation

What Element Is Your Love?

You Should Be Fashion Designer

Although you're offbeat and artistic, you have a good eye for trendsYou can figure out new incredible clothes to create... that will sell well!

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

Your Power Color Is Gold

At Your Highest:
You are engrossed in passions that mentally stimulate you.
At Your Lowest:
You seek thrills and neglect what's important in your life.
In Love:
You see dating as adventure and approach it with an open attitude.
How You're Attractive:
You passion for life makes others passionate about you.
Your Eternal Question:
"Am I Having Fun?"

What's" Your Power Color?

ok its 1.35am and i'm doing quizes online. I SHOULD BE SLEEPING. this is all thanks to ms tan kay kay!!! i got hooked on the quiz things she put on her blog. sigh. this is not a good example kids. sleep early! not 1.35am early. but at a proper decent time! ok going to sleep now.

chicken soup

2006-06-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

having dinner now (and its chicken soup. thus the title of the post. HAHA)
and talking to JANDI!
HI JANDI!!!! *waves like a maniac*

anyways, today i went to Parkway to get a tuner for my guitar which is very out of tune. so i went in meaning to buy it and get out but ended up spending like 45 minutes there talking to the man about tuners and guitars and so on and so forth. and i dont really know what the point is to me talking about all this but oh well. i was late in the end. as usual. one day i should do something really wacky and be on time. that'd be a surprise wouldnt it?

while walking home today i was having a chat with myself. haha. it sounds a bit odd saying that. ok i was thinking, out loud, and i deduced that i'm weird, which is something a lot of people know already and it just took me that long to find out. but i mean really. i can have lengthy conversations with myself, but when it comes to talking to actual people, i dont really know what to say. so most of the time i talk about rubbish things and i think sometimes i offend people. if you're one of the people i've offended i am truly sorry, please forgive me. but really i try and come up with things to say so that i can sound remotely interesting and it sometimes doesnt really work and i come across as being psychotic. so yes. maybe its like a disease i have or something. anyways.

picture of me and Janalyn. one of the missionaries that came down a while ago. i miss them loads. need to get some more pictures of them from stacey and renee.

OH YES BEFORE I FORGET! i wanted to say hi to STEPHANIE, KAYLENE, JOSHUA and STACEY!!! THANKS FOR TAGGING GUYS!! i feel so loved. heehee

superman

2006-05-30T08:43:00.000-07:00

ok i admit it. i watched singapore idol. as much as i told myself i wouldnt.
i couldnt help it. I'M ADDICTED!
well, they're not all that bad. some of them are actually quite good.
though theres a lot to be said about their dressing. like the girl wearing the hat and the pink skirt and top, dont know what she was trying to pull off. Dolly Parton imitation?
oh well.

anyways, i forgot what i wanted to write about thanks to STEPHANIE G. RODRIGUES who i'm talking to and thats why i forgot about the important thing i wanted to blog about. but seeing as how i forgot it must not have been very important.

oh yes.
i wanted to say that. I AM SCREWED. I need to do like a fifteen minute lesson on the Greek to Jacobean period. Now i've read up on it, but theres sooooooo much of information i dont know how to like cut it down to size, to be interesting and provide the most relevant information to the class. sigh. oh no. somebody save me!
on that note. i cannot wait for Superman to come out. love, love, love Clark Kent.

His Love is Extravagant

2006-05-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

Every time I feel like i'm drifting away from God, He pulls me right back into His love. This time round, He sent the missionaries, from whom I've learnt so much. Not only did i learn from them but through them I began to feel again in my heart what i've known all along in my head.
God loves me and He's never gonna let me forget it.

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship mmm... so intimate
I feel like moving, to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Chrsit
is the love that covers sin
No lgreater love have I ever known
You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship... it is intimate

unconventional theories

2006-05-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

ok changed my blog layout.
i think its quite cool.
Mary NEVER had a little lamb.
It was all a big conspiracy.
For all you know Mary had a cat, or a cow.
How can you be so sure she had a lamb?
and that, THAT lamb had fleece as white as snow?
were you there?
did you see Mary's lamb?
did you?
did you?
DID YOU?

Didnt right. see i told you.
its a conspiracy.

my theory is that mary actually had a wolf,
but she dressed it up in sheeps clothing
so that it could capture all the other unsuspecting lambs for her
so that she could make lamb stew
cause she had a restaurant famous for its lamb stew
and lamb was really expensive so instead of buying it from the market
she just got her wolf to catch them.
so thats my theory.
mary NEVER had a little lamb.

anyways. someone just asked me about my love life, to which i responded
WHAT LOVE LIFE!
I HAVENT GOT ONE!
yes, that is the Gospel truth.
I will probably end up an old spinster in a huge house with 70 cats and 30 parrots and hopefully my cats wont eat my parrots. I also predict that i'll be called the psycho bag lady who sits on the porch yelling at kids who run past my house.

But seriously whats wrong with not being in a relationship? i think its perfectly ok to not want to be in one and to be single. i'm not saying that i dont want to ever get married because i do and i want many many children but for now its just not something that i want. so people should just stop asking how my love life is.

SINGLE - Natasha Bedingfield

Ah yeah that's right
All you single people out there
This is for you

I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
I don't need to be anyone's baby
No I don't need another half to make me whole

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

I'm single... right now
That's how I wanna be I'm single.. right now
That's how I wanna be

Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood

Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way it's my way
Eh I like it this way

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
'Til then I'm single
This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

today once more

2006-05-24T07:29:00.000-07:00

ok the last post was absolute rubbish.
but i am feeling particularly angsty today.
so take everything that you read with a pinch of salt.

today kinda just sucked for some reason
i'm glad that God blessed me with a brand new day
and with so many opportunities to show his love
but i just didnt make use of them

i was totally oblivious to him today
completely ignored him and the times he told me to just stay calm
and relax
to just be in his love
and be ok

INSTEAD.
I got angry, annoyed, AND totally and completely jealous.
I fell in to all of Satans traps.
And it seems to be happening a lot lately.
I dont know if its because I've been trying to foster a stronger relationship with God and thats why Satans trying extra hard to get me to fail or if I'm just essentially a mean horrible person.

well my sisters boyfriend totally remodelled her room. its supposed to be a surprise.
I'm glad he's done that for her, and i know shes gonna love it. But i am kinda jealous i guess. I want to re-do my room too. sigh. i feel really guilty though about being jealous. i know she deserves it. she's a really good and beautiful person and i love her very much.

anyways, i'm over that. she deserves all the good things that she gets. shes worked so hard all her life, its time someone took care of her. i'm glad that her boyfriend does that.

oh damn. i've got to give a talk tomorrow on England in the 17th century and i'm not prepared.

i also dont know

2006-05-24T07:13:00.000-07:00

Well, its been about an eternity since I've last blogged.
Many things have happened already.
Like the coming of the American and Filipino missionaries.
I really wished they couldve stayed longer,
But as they say all good things must come to an end.

I've always wanted to write something really profound on myblog.
Make my life sound really interesting
So that EVERYONE would be interested and EVERYONE would want to find out more about me. But truth is I'm not that interesting. I am actually, quite boring. Well, I guess that suits me fine. My life doesnt need to be really interesting at this moment. I mean how interesting can it get? Everyday i do the same old thing. Get up, walk the dog, though sometimes i just dont, cause i'm too lazy. Then I usually just go around doing stuff till i have to get ready to go to Arts In Motion, where i'm currently doing a research internship and preparing for my Grade 8 speech and drama exam. That pretty cool, cause i'm actually researching on things that i think are interesting. TOoo bad if the rest of the world doesnt think so cause i just dont care. Like whatever man.

i lost my train of thought. too tired to run after it. haha.
but anyways i dont really know why i bother to write on this blog.
nobody is actually going to read it anyways.

2006-02-23T07:43:00.000-08:00

hmmm. today was a really bad-luck kinda day.
basically everything that couldve gone wrong... did.
and not major things but like small things that just accumulate to be one big thing.
ok not really making any sense
but it was just bad.

first i woke up feeling like shit
then there wasnt anything to eat for breakfast
so i had to cook
and i so wasnt in the mood to do that
then i had to go get the stuff to do the deco for the store
and i went to mph and they didnt have what i was looking for
so went to popular
but the moment i stepped out of parkway it started to pour
all this after i bought a pretzel intending to eat it on the way to popular
so obviousl couldnt it on the way
cause soggy pretzels...not so good
anyways, then i got to popular and i got the stuff
the only black board they had was the hugest one there
which i had to lug all the way back to siglap on the bus
and almost got me blown away on the overhead bridge cause it was so windy
and this board is so huge.
then the bus took forever to come so i decided to eat my pretzel and the moment i do that
the bloody bus arrives
talk about murphys law.
my life is the perfect example of it
so get on the bus and go to the store
and i bump into some lady who gives me a mean start
i'm sorry .. i guess its not everyday someone gets on the bus with a board big enough to fly off with.
ah well after that got to the store was late for speech and drama so had to take a cab and now i'm broke.
story of my life.

this sucks.
i have to work tomorrow morning
argh.
could this get any better?

2006-02-17T07:16:00.000-08:00

have you ever had that feeling where you can be completely surrounded by so many people and yet feel so entirely alone?
i feel like i'm miles away despite being so near. its difficult trying to cope with this new found leadership. i've got big shoes to fill, that i know. its difficult trying to fit into a mould that was cast for someone else. i got thrown into this because there was no other obvious choice. no one else who'd had the experience, no one else who'd wanted to try. i'm trying and yet it still feels like no one else is trying with me. ok to be fair, there are a few and yet that doesnt seem like its enough. maybe i'm asking for the whole world, but honestly if they arent going to give me anything to work with, why even try.
maybe i'm just wallowing in self pity and being entirely and utterly silly. arent i allowed to for a while at least? my best friend is in an other continent, i'm alone with the members most of the time and somehow i just dont know what to talk to them about. i feel like i'm on the outside. ironically though i'm supposed to be the president. maybe i'm not allowing myself to mix with them. setting up imaginary boundaries because they're younger, or they wont understand, or i'm supposed to be perfect or good all the time. newsflash i'm not. i'm possibly one of hte biggest sinners out there because i'm a hypocrite. i dont practise what i preach. the things i tell them to do, i dont. so whats the point. its only the second month and already i feel like giving up. let someone else do this job. i wasnt cut out for this. maybe this is Gods way of telling me that i'm not meant to do this. or maybe its his way of telling me i can rise above this.
i dont know. for now i dont really care. wallowing in self pity makes me feel better
ok not necessarily better. but its easier than having to deal with the whole situation and the things that i feel. emotions are so messy and yet so necessary.